Rabu, Desember 19, 2007


“What is orgasm like?”
More than three years ago, a close friend of mine asked me such a question, after she got married. (FYI, she got married at a quite relatively “late” time, at her mid thirties.) I didn’t have exact words to illustrate what orgasm was like. LOL. I just said, “Well, it is very very wonderful feeling.” Then she said, “Since the first time I had sex with my hubby, I have always got that wonderful feeling.”
“Do you undergo the “rising feeling”, I mean the wonderful feeling rises, it is getting more and more wonderful until eventually you feel like you reach the top.” I tried explaining further.
“No, it is not like that. It is wonderful, yes, but there is no sort-of “journey” to the top.” She said. “It is the same wonderful feeling when we start making love, until we finish.“ 
“Well, I am sorry to say that you haven’t got your orgasm, then.” I said. 
“Ah, I understand now why I already got bored with it. In fact, it is because I haven’t got orgasm yet.” She commented.
“I suppose so,” was my response.
Several days later, or several weeks later, I don’t remember well, she came to me, “reported”, LOL, “I think eventually I have got my orgasms, so I thought.”
I smiled widely, and interrogated her, “Tell me what it is like, in your own words.”
“I suppose I agree with you that there is something like journey to the top, the wonderful feeling increases little by little until I feel like flying to the open air, very high. I feel like all of the muscles in my body go away from my body.” LOL.
My smile got wider. LOL. Then I commented, “That’s exactly right. I believe you have got your orgasm.”
“It is indeed very wonderful, much more wonderful than just the feeling I got before I underwent to reach the top.”
“Of course yes.” I assured her.
“But, mbak, I could reach orgasms only when my hubby did oral sex to me. It is somewhat difficult for me to get it when we have “conventional” position, he is on top of me, or on the way around, when I am on top of him.” She said further.
“It is not important anymore, I assume. Women can get orgasm not only because of penis, but also using other media, such as tongue, fingers, or any other things, such as vibrator. Similar to that, women also can get orgasm with any other position, as long as their most sensitive part of their bodies get stimulated well.”
“Is it normal?” she inquired, not sure.
“It is ABSOLUTELY normal.” I convinced her.
I just watched BECAUSE I SAID SO, with Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore. (I just realized that Mandy Moore has played in some movies, she is not only a singer. The first song I really like from her is I WANNA BE WITH YOU; one song I love to sing when I want to be wth someone I love. Her first movie I watched was AMERICAN DREAMZ where she became a singer, not far from her profession. WALK TO REMEMBER was the second movie I watched with her as one leading star, the third was SAVED! And BECAUSE I SAID SO was the fourth movie.) This is a movie about a single mother who has three daughters, and Mandy casts as Milly Wilder, the youngest. Diane Keaton casts as Daphne Wilder, the mother.
One scene that attracted me most is when Daphne and Milly talked about what orgasm was like. Milly told her mother about orgasm, using very different term I used to tell my close friend three years ago, but I couldn’t agree with her more. It is indeed difficult to explain what orgasm is like in verbal language. 
I was wondering why the mother asked the daughter about orgasm. Weren’t they supposed to exchange roles? The mother explained and the daughter listened. Then, Milly asked Daphne, “How about your own experiece Mom? Didn’t you experience that with Dad?”
Daphne said that she seldom did that with her husband, moreover he was always busy working, because he also worked night that made him very tired. The conclusion was: Daphne never got orgasm yet.
The continuation of the story: Daphne dated Joe, Johnny’s father, while Johnny dated Milly. From Joe, eventually Daphne experienced orgasm, and she became sort-of addicted to it. 
What I want to say in this writing is in fact many women don’t get orgasm in their life, including married women (In Indonesia, the hypocritical view is still very strong: ONLY MARRIED COUPLE HAVE RIGHTS TO HAVE SEX. It means only married people have rights to experience orgasm.) What a waste if those married women don’t experience this one wonderful moment in their life. They even think that their role in sex is only to satisfy their sex partners—their husbands. They get that “wonderful feeling”, yes, but not yet “reach the top”, just like what my close friend said to me at the beginning of her marriage. And since they never “reach the top” yet, they think that the pleasure of orgasm is similar to that usual “wonderful feeling” at the beginning of having sex. I suspect then this makes many women reluctant to have sex with their husbands, because of course that usual wonderful feeling easily makes them bored. Things get worse when the couple don’t communicate about it openly.
For women who have undergone “to reach the top”, absolutely, they will enjoy it. Look at Daphne, she easily became addicted to Joe after he made her reach the top.  One more important thing: orgasm can be reached not only via “conventional one on one“ sex. Do you agree? You’d better. LOL.
PT56 15.25 161207

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