From my post in this topic at Chinese foot-binding versus European corset wearing I got one very intriguing, though somewhat shocking link here
A Taiwanese doctor -- the so-called respected expert in foot-binding -- was interviewed about this in-fact-secretly-hidden fact in Chinese culture. He -- and perhaps also with many other contemporary men at his age or older -- found bound foot the most important sex appeal in women; even a lot more sexier than a woman's genital organ. He has thousand pictures and knick-knack of this stuff in his house. In short, he said that a woman's bound feet were so erotic that she would cover them in order that public would not be able to see them. A woman would even choose to be photographed naked but still wear her tiny feet. Men in his era would very much be aroused only to see a tiny shoe, and not so much when seeing naked breast or vagina.
For this reason then many mothers would rather make their daughters cry when binding their feet to get a lotus shape in order that they would not see their daughters cry in the future because they would not be wanted to be men's wives. As a result, since women could not do many household chores, men -- from not so rich families -- would work like slaves as long as they had wives with lotus-shaped feet.
For further reading, just click the link here .
GL7 15.18 030311
Tampilkan postingan dengan label women. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label women. Tampilkan semua postingan
Kamis, Maret 03, 2011
Sabtu, Oktober 27, 2007
Housewife, anyone?
“Everything happens for a reason.”
This somewhat wise statement was uttered by one of my workmates yesterday. She told me about one of her cousins who is about the same age with her. Since they were child, they were somewhat competitive to each other; such as in education, beauty, career, and perhaps eventually the success to get rich husband.
My friend said, “She got married at an earlier age that made me envy her because that gave me an idea that she beat me finally. I got married after I reached a so-called ‘crucial age’ for women to get married. Therefore, I felt like I didn’t have many choices whom I would marry. When knowing that her husband is quite successful in his business so that they have a good house and car, I had to say that I even envied her more. She is a full housewife, only sometimes she gets some order to make cakes, one of her capabilities that can make her earn her own money. Sometimes when my kids protest when I am about to go to work, because they want me to stay, they really make me down in the dumps. I want to be a full housewife too so that I don’t need to work. But only depending on my husband’s paycheck, we will not be able to survive.”
I kept listening to her.
“However, she is a bit fussy to her maids so that none of them stands working with her for more than one month. This made her obliged to do all of household chores by herself, including to take her children to go to school. Her husband doesn’t help her do the chores at all because his right hand cannot be used freely due to an accident. And perhaps because he thinks that he is the main breadwinner in the family, he doesn’t need to help his wife to do household chores. It is fully his wife’s responsibility. Not long ago, my cousin’s mother –in-law passed away. And in fact this has made her much busier since the responsibility to take care of her father-in-law who is already elderly becomes hers too. This made me think whether I could change position with her: having a rich husband, two children who are still studying in the elementary school, but no housemaid, and also having to take care of an elderly father-in-law, plus one grandmother-in-law, I think I will give up soon.”
This sounds more interesting, doesn’t it?
“I have two toddlers, one is two years old and the other one is still six months old, and my husband is really helpful to do household chores, perhaps in return of my helping him earn money. I don’t think I can make it without having a housemaid, as I have told you after Lebaran (Eid Mubarrak Day) my housemaid didn’t go back to work anymore, I am often at my wits’ end. It is not easy to look for a new housemaid who cares and loves my children as to her own kids. I start to realize that everything happens for a reason. I am not supposed to envy my cousin.”
A good ending, eh? LOL.
“I believe that being a full housewife is really a hard task for me. I am not sure if I can make it. Can you?” she asked me.
Recently I must say that sometimes I ask myself that question, a question that in the past I would answer strongly, “NO!”
“Well, I don’t mind being one as long as I still can do something that will make me reach my self-actualization. The problem is being a full housewife for me doesn’t give me self-actualization. To me, doing household chores doesn’t give me satisfaction.” I responded.
“I opine that being a housewife is really noble for women, because it is hard to do. I cannot make it either.” She went on.
“I am sorry to say that I don’t really agree with you. Women have choices to do what they want to do, things that give them satisfaction, and even self-actualization. No profession is nobler than any other profession. Women who choose to be a housewife perhaps get that satisfaction and actualization by doing household chores, for example by having a neat, and tidy house, without any single spot of dirt, without anything lying not at the right place—just like the women in “The Stepford Wives” movie. Women who choose to do desk job—behind desk from eight to five daily, probably get their satisfaction in it. Women who choose to do dangerous and risky job, such as working in mining sites possibly get another kind of satisfaction. Women who choose to work in glamorous world, such as models, actresses, etc, get different satisfaction too. And they are all equal, in my opinion. Just like some women who are very proud and satisfied when they get ‘label’ as superwomen because they are willing to do both domestic (read => doing household chores) and ‘public’ job (read => having career outside the house) are equal too with other women who choose to do only one of them, domestic or public job; not better not worse.”
It is just a matter of making a choice.
PT56 10.35 261007
This somewhat wise statement was uttered by one of my workmates yesterday. She told me about one of her cousins who is about the same age with her. Since they were child, they were somewhat competitive to each other; such as in education, beauty, career, and perhaps eventually the success to get rich husband.
My friend said, “She got married at an earlier age that made me envy her because that gave me an idea that she beat me finally. I got married after I reached a so-called ‘crucial age’ for women to get married. Therefore, I felt like I didn’t have many choices whom I would marry. When knowing that her husband is quite successful in his business so that they have a good house and car, I had to say that I even envied her more. She is a full housewife, only sometimes she gets some order to make cakes, one of her capabilities that can make her earn her own money. Sometimes when my kids protest when I am about to go to work, because they want me to stay, they really make me down in the dumps. I want to be a full housewife too so that I don’t need to work. But only depending on my husband’s paycheck, we will not be able to survive.”
I kept listening to her.
“However, she is a bit fussy to her maids so that none of them stands working with her for more than one month. This made her obliged to do all of household chores by herself, including to take her children to go to school. Her husband doesn’t help her do the chores at all because his right hand cannot be used freely due to an accident. And perhaps because he thinks that he is the main breadwinner in the family, he doesn’t need to help his wife to do household chores. It is fully his wife’s responsibility. Not long ago, my cousin’s mother –in-law passed away. And in fact this has made her much busier since the responsibility to take care of her father-in-law who is already elderly becomes hers too. This made me think whether I could change position with her: having a rich husband, two children who are still studying in the elementary school, but no housemaid, and also having to take care of an elderly father-in-law, plus one grandmother-in-law, I think I will give up soon.”
This sounds more interesting, doesn’t it?
“I have two toddlers, one is two years old and the other one is still six months old, and my husband is really helpful to do household chores, perhaps in return of my helping him earn money. I don’t think I can make it without having a housemaid, as I have told you after Lebaran (Eid Mubarrak Day) my housemaid didn’t go back to work anymore, I am often at my wits’ end. It is not easy to look for a new housemaid who cares and loves my children as to her own kids. I start to realize that everything happens for a reason. I am not supposed to envy my cousin.”
A good ending, eh? LOL.
“I believe that being a full housewife is really a hard task for me. I am not sure if I can make it. Can you?” she asked me.
Recently I must say that sometimes I ask myself that question, a question that in the past I would answer strongly, “NO!”
“Well, I don’t mind being one as long as I still can do something that will make me reach my self-actualization. The problem is being a full housewife for me doesn’t give me self-actualization. To me, doing household chores doesn’t give me satisfaction.” I responded.
“I opine that being a housewife is really noble for women, because it is hard to do. I cannot make it either.” She went on.
“I am sorry to say that I don’t really agree with you. Women have choices to do what they want to do, things that give them satisfaction, and even self-actualization. No profession is nobler than any other profession. Women who choose to be a housewife perhaps get that satisfaction and actualization by doing household chores, for example by having a neat, and tidy house, without any single spot of dirt, without anything lying not at the right place—just like the women in “The Stepford Wives” movie. Women who choose to do desk job—behind desk from eight to five daily, probably get their satisfaction in it. Women who choose to do dangerous and risky job, such as working in mining sites possibly get another kind of satisfaction. Women who choose to work in glamorous world, such as models, actresses, etc, get different satisfaction too. And they are all equal, in my opinion. Just like some women who are very proud and satisfied when they get ‘label’ as superwomen because they are willing to do both domestic (read => doing household chores) and ‘public’ job (read => having career outside the house) are equal too with other women who choose to do only one of them, domestic or public job; not better not worse.”
It is just a matter of making a choice.
PT56 10.35 261007
Jumat, Agustus 10, 2007
Setting Up Priorities
One thing that I will never regret for my getting married in a relatively young age (FYI, I got married when I was 23 years old) is having the baby that was born a year after my wedding. I gave her full name DZIKRINA ANGGIE PITALOKA, or Angie for short. And I gave her a loving nick MY LOVELY STAR when I made a special blog for her. You can check it at http://my-lovely-star.blogspot.com
I was still a student of English Department Gadjah Mada University at that time. When finishing my study at that bachelor’s degree, I had to leave Angie for several days. I remember I stayed in Jogja for around 10 days and stayed in Semarang for around 4 days. Except when I was doing the community service (KKN) in Bayan regency of Purworejo for two months, September till November 1992, I only had two days to visit Angie, each time I left the KKN site. I couldn’t stay longer because the rule said that a student could leave the site only for about 24 hours, not more than that. And staying in Semarang for around 2 days already broke the rule. LOL.
During finishing my study, I let Angie taken care of by my dearest Mom. Do you think it then made my relationship with Angie not strong? If you think so then you are wrong. Before leaving her to go back to Jogja to pursue my study, I didn’t let anybody take care of her. For about 10 months (Angie was born in April 1991, I moved back to Jogja in February 1992) Angie and I built our emotional ties, and it was very successful in my opinion.
After my graduation in October 1993, I moved back to Semarang, and I became the most favorite person for Angie again. My leaving her for about one and a half year did not make Angie forget the emotional ties we had built before that. We continued that ‘effort’ again before I got a job. And after I got a rather established job that made me busy out of the house, my emotional ties with Angie was already established too.
My good relationship with Angie inspired some friends to have the same experience. They dreamed of having a harmonious relationship with their daughters.
First, one ex workmate who dreamed of having a baby boy before she got married. After seeing my harmonious relationship with Angie, she changed her mind. She welcomed her first baby daughter warmly. Unfortunately because she had to work hard to earn money, she could not have much time to spend with her daughter. Both of she and her husband had to work while she did not really believe in having a babysitter or a nanny to take care of her daughter. Therefore, she left her daughter with her mother who lived in Magelang. She only visited her daughter every weekend. It has been like that for about four years. Until now she still works hard to be able to buy a house while waiting for the time for her bringing her daughter to live together in Semarang. From her experience she once in a while told me—when we worked together in one institution—I concluded that she was quite successful to build the emotional ties between her and her daughter despite the long distance of their dwelling.
Second, one workmate of mine now. She got married in her mid thirties and had a baby daughter around a year after that. She wanted to have good emotional ties too with her daughter although she said that she favored a baby boy more than a baby daughter. However she showed me a bit disappointment when she saw her daughter closer to her husband rather than to her. The coming of the second baby—a boy—in less than two years after her first baby made her a bit confused to choose a career or her children. Her busy working to make her ends meet has made her baby boy even closer to the babysitter rather than with her. It was a dilemma for her.
“Then set your priorities,” I told her when she confided in me several weeks ago.
“My priorities are my children. I want to have good emotional ties with my children as good as yours with Angie. My busy working has made my children—especially the younger—ignore me when I was at home. He would rather be with the babysitter than with me. Should I give up working and be a full housewife?” she asked me.
“Do you think the income of your hubby will be enough to cover up your daily needs?” I asked her back.
“I am afraid not. You know my paycheck is even higher than his.”
“What I mean with ‘set up your priorities’ is about the future of your children. Perhaps you can give them your full attention by giving up your job. But can you provide the funds for their future education? ‘Setting up priorities’ here means choice between present time—by staying with them for most hours everyday—and your future time—by leaving them many hours everyday. However, you can give them a better future because you can provide funds for their education by working. Which one is more important to you? The present time or the future time?” I explained thoroughly.
“Oh I got the picture,” she commented.
Well, I know this is always a dilemma. However I don’t want to just quote what patriarchal society says about a good woman and a bad woman. “A good woman must put aside their egotism for the happiness for the whole family?” “A bad woman is she who just thinks about herself, let’s say by choosing to have a career outside the house.” It is easy to say that a woman can become SUPER WOMAN by putting the two things in balance—be good in career and be good at home. Not wanting to leave your children? Just do something to augment your income from home. This does not always work for all women. Setting up priorities is always the main solution. Just stop putting women in pedestal place as if you adore them while at the same time you marginalize them.
“Don’t hurt yourself by thinking that you are selfish because you have to leave your children to work. This is also for their future. Don’t hurt yourself by thinking that you are not a good mother because you cannot stay with your children all the time. Apparently we two have different lives,” I soothed her.
Third, one ex workmate too who moved out of town to pursue her dream—to be a civil servant. She delivered her first baby—a daughter—around three months ago in Semarang. Apparently she wanted to follow my step—having a harmonious relationship with Angie. However, because she lives all alone in that town located in the East Java, she could not just take her daughter to live with her after her months off from the office were over. Her hubby lives in Semarang. This couple has a long distance marriage. She left her baby with her auntie who promised to take care of her while waiting for the time for my friend to provide a decent place to live. Her hubby cannot take care of the baby because he has been suffering from a mental disorder.
After writing the three examples above, I can conclude that the main obstacle for a woman to be close to their children—although it is not always applicable to all women in the world—is a matter of money. Women have to work to make their ends meet. I am of opinion that most women in Indonesia work to fulfill two needs from five needs proposed by Maslow in his theory; they are survival and security needs. They work to survive and to secure their future. While for the three other needs—self-acceptance, self-esteem and self-actualization are too high above to reach. Not many women in Indonesia think about that yet.
Do you want to have harmonious emotional ties with your children? Set up your priorities.
PT56 12.12 060807
I was still a student of English Department Gadjah Mada University at that time. When finishing my study at that bachelor’s degree, I had to leave Angie for several days. I remember I stayed in Jogja for around 10 days and stayed in Semarang for around 4 days. Except when I was doing the community service (KKN) in Bayan regency of Purworejo for two months, September till November 1992, I only had two days to visit Angie, each time I left the KKN site. I couldn’t stay longer because the rule said that a student could leave the site only for about 24 hours, not more than that. And staying in Semarang for around 2 days already broke the rule. LOL.
During finishing my study, I let Angie taken care of by my dearest Mom. Do you think it then made my relationship with Angie not strong? If you think so then you are wrong. Before leaving her to go back to Jogja to pursue my study, I didn’t let anybody take care of her. For about 10 months (Angie was born in April 1991, I moved back to Jogja in February 1992) Angie and I built our emotional ties, and it was very successful in my opinion.
After my graduation in October 1993, I moved back to Semarang, and I became the most favorite person for Angie again. My leaving her for about one and a half year did not make Angie forget the emotional ties we had built before that. We continued that ‘effort’ again before I got a job. And after I got a rather established job that made me busy out of the house, my emotional ties with Angie was already established too.
My good relationship with Angie inspired some friends to have the same experience. They dreamed of having a harmonious relationship with their daughters.
First, one ex workmate who dreamed of having a baby boy before she got married. After seeing my harmonious relationship with Angie, she changed her mind. She welcomed her first baby daughter warmly. Unfortunately because she had to work hard to earn money, she could not have much time to spend with her daughter. Both of she and her husband had to work while she did not really believe in having a babysitter or a nanny to take care of her daughter. Therefore, she left her daughter with her mother who lived in Magelang. She only visited her daughter every weekend. It has been like that for about four years. Until now she still works hard to be able to buy a house while waiting for the time for her bringing her daughter to live together in Semarang. From her experience she once in a while told me—when we worked together in one institution—I concluded that she was quite successful to build the emotional ties between her and her daughter despite the long distance of their dwelling.
Second, one workmate of mine now. She got married in her mid thirties and had a baby daughter around a year after that. She wanted to have good emotional ties too with her daughter although she said that she favored a baby boy more than a baby daughter. However she showed me a bit disappointment when she saw her daughter closer to her husband rather than to her. The coming of the second baby—a boy—in less than two years after her first baby made her a bit confused to choose a career or her children. Her busy working to make her ends meet has made her baby boy even closer to the babysitter rather than with her. It was a dilemma for her.
“Then set your priorities,” I told her when she confided in me several weeks ago.
“My priorities are my children. I want to have good emotional ties with my children as good as yours with Angie. My busy working has made my children—especially the younger—ignore me when I was at home. He would rather be with the babysitter than with me. Should I give up working and be a full housewife?” she asked me.
“Do you think the income of your hubby will be enough to cover up your daily needs?” I asked her back.
“I am afraid not. You know my paycheck is even higher than his.”
“What I mean with ‘set up your priorities’ is about the future of your children. Perhaps you can give them your full attention by giving up your job. But can you provide the funds for their future education? ‘Setting up priorities’ here means choice between present time—by staying with them for most hours everyday—and your future time—by leaving them many hours everyday. However, you can give them a better future because you can provide funds for their education by working. Which one is more important to you? The present time or the future time?” I explained thoroughly.
“Oh I got the picture,” she commented.
Well, I know this is always a dilemma. However I don’t want to just quote what patriarchal society says about a good woman and a bad woman. “A good woman must put aside their egotism for the happiness for the whole family?” “A bad woman is she who just thinks about herself, let’s say by choosing to have a career outside the house.” It is easy to say that a woman can become SUPER WOMAN by putting the two things in balance—be good in career and be good at home. Not wanting to leave your children? Just do something to augment your income from home. This does not always work for all women. Setting up priorities is always the main solution. Just stop putting women in pedestal place as if you adore them while at the same time you marginalize them.
“Don’t hurt yourself by thinking that you are selfish because you have to leave your children to work. This is also for their future. Don’t hurt yourself by thinking that you are not a good mother because you cannot stay with your children all the time. Apparently we two have different lives,” I soothed her.
Third, one ex workmate too who moved out of town to pursue her dream—to be a civil servant. She delivered her first baby—a daughter—around three months ago in Semarang. Apparently she wanted to follow my step—having a harmonious relationship with Angie. However, because she lives all alone in that town located in the East Java, she could not just take her daughter to live with her after her months off from the office were over. Her hubby lives in Semarang. This couple has a long distance marriage. She left her baby with her auntie who promised to take care of her while waiting for the time for my friend to provide a decent place to live. Her hubby cannot take care of the baby because he has been suffering from a mental disorder.
After writing the three examples above, I can conclude that the main obstacle for a woman to be close to their children—although it is not always applicable to all women in the world—is a matter of money. Women have to work to make their ends meet. I am of opinion that most women in Indonesia work to fulfill two needs from five needs proposed by Maslow in his theory; they are survival and security needs. They work to survive and to secure their future. While for the three other needs—self-acceptance, self-esteem and self-actualization are too high above to reach. Not many women in Indonesia think about that yet.
Do you want to have harmonious emotional ties with your children? Set up your priorities.
PT56 12.12 060807
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